oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
