sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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