you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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