Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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