the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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