I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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