he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
