White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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