It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
