you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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