forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
