Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The feeling are messing with the penis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
