I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
