Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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