Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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