dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
