i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
