i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize