But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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