so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
