I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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