I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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