i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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