jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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