I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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