sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize