i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
