3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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