i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
