winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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