Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
