We named our party play list daddy issues
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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