So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
