who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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