Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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