jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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