I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize