Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
