Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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