There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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