He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
