pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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