I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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