Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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