Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
