I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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