Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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