Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
