that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
