Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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