The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
