he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
