How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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