I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
