apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
