worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
