You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
