dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
