Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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