That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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