Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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