Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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