It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
