dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
