Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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