hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
