I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
