He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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