my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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