Just fell off a train. Bad.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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