I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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