You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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