wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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