Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
