if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
