i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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