i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
