I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
