the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
